


How to be Hopelessly In Love

by RedSoldierBeta



Category: Eddsworld - All Media Types
Genre: Coming Out, Drinking, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Matilda Deserves The World, Pining, Post-Break Up, Tamara has a crush, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, its tamara lbr, matilda and ell are oblivious
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-30
Updated: 2018-04-13
Packaged: 2019-04-15 02:04:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14149554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RedSoldierBeta/pseuds/RedSoldierBeta
Summary: Tamara has a problem. An adorable, ginger, purple wearing problem.Or well, Matilda isn't really the problem. But Tamara's crush on her might be. Especially considering that Matilda has only ever shown an interest in guys.Yeah, that might be a problem.





	1. Break Ups and Downs

**Author's Note:**

> This was started about a year ago as a request for a friend I've since lost contact with.
> 
> Lat, if you're reading this, I hope you enjoy!

“Hey Ell, could you help me with my hair please?” Tamara’s focus flicked towards the open door of the bathroom just as Matilda stepped out. Immediately, Tamara forced her focus back to the book she had in her lap, trying her best to look disinterested. 

Matilda looked… really  _ really  _ good. Of course, there was hardly a day where Tamara didn’t think Matilda looked good. The girl hardly had to try. 

From elsewhere in the house, Ell could be heard rushing through the halls to help her housemate. Tamara’s fingers tensed, and she forced herself to turn the page as the two began chattering. 

_ Give it up Tamara. You can pine all you want, but she’s still straight.  _ She turned the next page, leaned into the couch, and sighed. The chattering faded into comfortable background noise as Matilda began to wax poetic about her own face. The chatter began to die down, unbeknownst to Tamara, until a hand waved between the page she was reading and her face. 

She tilted her head up, only to tighten her grip on the pages. 

Ell was really fucking good at styling hair apparently. Tamara never would have guessed, considering that the most Ell ever did for her own was lazily pull it into some kind of ponytail. But Matilda stood there with her hair styled into some kind of fancy ass knot (Tamara couldn’t put a name on it) with her hair falling over her shoulder. 

Matilda stood up, rocking back onto her heels, having sufficiently caught Tamara’s full attention. She grinned, pulling not only her hands behind her back but also on Tamara’s heart strings. 

“How do I look Tam?” She asked, and Tamara allowed herself to finally look over Matilda in her entirety. She wore a knee length champagne colored dress (a color Tamara had never once considered for her but fit her very well), complimenting it with bright red jewelry. Her nails were painted the same bright red as her jewelry, popping out against both the color of the dress and the color of her skin. 

_ You look like an angel,  _ Tamara wanted to say.  _ The most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.  _

Tamara didn’t say that. She instead gave a rather enthusiastic “you look great!” and tried to ignore the rapid darkening of her face. Matilda’s face, on the other hand, brightened considerably. Tamara wasn’t one for compliments, especially not spoken out loud, so this was a rarity she allowed herself to revel in. 

“Don’t I? I think this is a good color for me! Bryan’s sure to be all over me tonight,” Matilda bragged. Tamara frowned at the mention of Bryan, slumping a little in her seat. 

Matilda didn’t seem to notice, grabbing her phone and purse and heading to the door. Tamara turned, watching as she carefully pushed her feet into a pair of flats. Her phone dinged, and she hurriedly checked it, before checking to make sure she had her house key. 

“That’s him-- he’s picking me up here. See you girls later!” Matilda called out, unlocking the door. 

“Bye!” Ell responded, moving towards the door to follow her out. Tamara watched her open the door, before biting her lip. 

“Have fun,” she said, words tumbling from her lips unbidden. Matilda called out something in response, and then the door shut. Tamara shut her book, lightly hitting it against her head. 

“Hey hey,” Ell chided, stopping the book from connecting with Tamara’s face once more, and taking it out of her hands entirely. “No need to hit yourself. I’m sure one day you’ll go on a date too.” Tamara scowled at Ell’s back as she went to the kitchen to grab a cola. She pulled out her phone and pushed her back into the couch, so that by the time Ell turned around, Tamara had centered her attentions in her phone, ignoring the world around her. Ell sighed, but sat next to her, turning the TV on and beginning her tradition of channel flipping until something relatively interesting came on. 

At around 9 in the evening, both of their phones buzzed with a text. Or, to be more accurate, Ell’s buzzed as she always had it silenced, and Tamara’s chimed. Tamara followed the notification, raising her eyebrow at the sight of Matilda’s contact name coming up. 

 

**Mattie:** can one of you come pick me up? plz?

 

Tamara’s eyebrows shot up, and she stood up from the couch, typing a response. 

 

**Tamara:** i got you. can u send the address? 

**Tamara:** or do the weird thing where you send ur location?

 

Tamara’s phone chimed once more as she shoved it into her hoodie pocket, heading to her room to put on her shoes. It chimed two or three more times, presumably either Ell responding, or Matilda sending a bunch of very short messages, as she was prone to do. 

Near the front door, Ell stopped her, frowning. 

“You’re completely sober, right? I don’t need you driving Matilda home if you’re not.” Carefully, Tamara pulled Ell’s hand off her shoulder. 

“Ell, I’m fine. I swear. If I was drunk, I probably would’ve told Matilda to fuck off or something shitty like that.” Ell scrutinized her a moment longer, before sighing and handing her the keys. 

“Be careful, please. And get her home as soon as possible,” she requested quietly, crossing her arms with a worried expression. Tamara just nodded, leaving the house and entering the car, starting it up. 

The restaurant Matilda and her date had gone to turned out to be 15 minutes away, navigation told her. As Tamara waited for the navigation system to begin routing her to her destination, she checked the earlier messages.

 

**Mattie’s Location**

**Mattie:** plz hurry i'm starting to get uncomfortable

**Ell:** You’re in a safe location right?

**Mattie:** yes im still in the restaurant i just dont want to be anymore

**Tamara:** omw. says itll be about 15 minutes but ill try and chop it down best i can

**Mattie:** thank you tam

 

Tamara pulled away from the house, letting the navigation systems guide her to Matilda, and letting her own worries push the speed limit. 

In the end, Tamara got there in 9 minutes, shooting a quick text that she was outside. Within moments, Matilda was opening the car door and throwing herself in the front seat, looking upset. Tamara almost asked, but instead bit her lip and started the car again, pulling away from the restaurant quickly as Matilda huddled up in the passenger's seat. 

Two minutes into the drive, Tamara pulled up at a stoplight and turned her head towards Matilda. 

“Hey, are you okay?” Matilda sniffed and shook her head. Tamara turned her head back towards the road, watching the red light quietly. A silence passed before Tamara asked another question; “wanna talk about it?” This time Matilda nodded, but still didn’t say anything. 

Tamara didn’t push, instead pulling away from the light and allowing the rest of the drive to pass in relative silence.

After pulling up to the house, for a moment neither girl moved, the silence stifling in absence of the engine running. Then Tamara sat forward, opening her door and stepping out. When Matilda made no such move to follow, Tamara stepped around the car, opening the passenger side door and bending down a little. 

“Hey, we’re home.” Matilda looked up at Tamara, sniffing slightly. Her makeup was smudged, with eyeliner and mascara running down tracks on her face, but Tamara decided not to mention it, instead jokingly holding out a hand to help Matilda out of the car. To her surprise though, Matilda took it, squeezing Tamara’s hand as she stood up unsteadily. 

Tamara forced herself to let go first, fearing Matilda would notice the way her hand had begun shaking with uncertainty. Matilda took a shaky breath, and led the way to the front door, which opened about halfway there. Ell stood silhouetted in the doorway for a moment, before running forward to meet Matilda, pulling the taller girl into a brief hug. 

“You’re ok, right? You’re fine?” She asked upon pulling away, holding Matilda at an arm's length away. Matilda nodded, but otherwise didn’t respond. Ell frowned, and pulled her into the house. 

Tamara hunched her shoulders and followed, locking the door behind her, just in case. 

Ell sat Matilda down on the couch, before running to the bathroom to grab a towel and some makeup wipe to help clean up the evidence that Matilda had been crying. Tamara shuffled forward towards the couch, shoving her hands in her hoodie pockets. 

Neither woman said anything until Ell reentered the room, a box of makeup wipes and a washrag in her hands. 

Ell sat in front of her and began to wipe off the mascara tracks from her face, carefully alternating between a makeup wipe and the washrag as Matilda began pouring out the events of the night, from the pickup to how nice the date seemed to be going and the food of the restaurant.

It was going pretty well until Matilda went to the bathroom for a minute and came back to find that Bryan had up and left, leaving a note that he had taken care of the bill, but that the relationship they had was over. 

Recounting the story only seemed to make Matilda even more upset, as she began crying all over again. Ell, mother hen that she was, immediately brought Matilda into a hug, whispering reassurances and letting Matilda sob into her shoulder. Matilda’s arms wrapped around Ell’s waist and she let herself break down sobbing once more.

This scene was a familiar one. This exact same situation had happened several times before. It didn’t happen often with a long term boyfriend, like Bryan had been, but it still happened often enough that both Tamara and Ell knew the drill by now. Tamara had seen Matilda break down sobbing into Ell’s shoulder over many a date gone wrong. 

Tamara clenched her fists within her hoodie pocket, taking a few more steps forward and sitting on the couch, next to Matilda. Ell raised an eyebrow. But Tamara didn’t meet her eye. 

Matilda deserved better than this. She deserved someone who wouldn’t leave her in a restaurant, someone better than the men she’d dated. Probably not Tamara either. Matilda deserved someone incredible. 

In Tamara’s opinion, Matilda deserved only the best. She closed her eyes, leaned back into the couch, and tried to ignore the way her heart lurched with every one of Matilda’s sobs, trying her best to be moral support without having to step over her own boundaries. 

The clock ticked, and eventually Matilda’s sobs died off, leaving only soft breathing. Her arms went limp around Ell, and both women realized what happened at once. 

“She’s asleep,” Ell whispered across Matilda’s head. Tamara only nodded, lifting her hands and an eyebrow as a way of asking if Ell wanted her to carry Matilda. Ell nodded, and Tamara stood, carefully moving Matilda out of Ell’s arms and into her own. 

Matilda’s room was as cluttered as Tamara remembered it being, resulting in Tamara struggling to step over the clutter to reach Matilda’s bed. Finally upon reaching it, Tamara was tempted for a second to drop her from this height. Then her heart twinged upon looking at Matilda’s face, and she ended up laying her down gently, instead. Tamara struggled to take off the jewelry that Matilda had chosen earlier that evening, given as she is neither experienced with this, nor is Matilda in a very convenient position, but eventually the task is done, and Tamara moves to her flats. One was already gone, having fallen off while Matilda was crying into Ell’s shoulder. The other is barely balancing, and Tamara very easily slips it off Matilda’s foot and good god, she painted her  _ toenails  _ in the same color as her fingernails. The thought of how meticulous that must have been and how much effort went into this one date hurts Tamara to think about, so she doesn’t. 

Tamara hadn’t turned on the light in the first place, so leaving Matilda's room is as simple as closing the door. Without a sleeping woman to distract her, Tamara is hit by the silence in the house. She takes a shaky breath, drops Matilda’s stuff where it belongs (in the bathroom for the jewelry, and outside Matilda’s door for the flats) and enters her own room for the night. 

The clock ticks to 10:51, and Tamara flops back on her bed. She can hear Ell playing music from her room, soft enough that Tamara can hear the tapping of her keyboard so she doesn’t disturb her housemates with the noise. Matilda’s room is quiet, which is odd for this point in the evening on a normal night, where Matilda would normally be shuffling around the stuff in her room to make sure no spirits or demons were hiding in the crevices. The absence of the sound puts Tamara on edge, but she closes her eyes and falls asleep twenty minutes later. 


	2. What They Deserve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes, things go well when Matilda doesn't come home.
> 
> Sometimes, they go well until the next morning.

Ell had been gone for a day already, at some big convention, meaning that as Matilda prepared for another date, it was Tamara who had to assist her. 

Well, Tamara didn’t really  _ have _ to do anything. She could have just gone up to her room and played her bass and pretended tonight wasn’t real. She could’ve let Matilda be driven away by some guy that could break her so so easily and closed her eyes and pretended it wasn’t happening. But Matilda had asked for help with choosing makeup and then it just spiraled out of control as she asked for more and more assistance, until the two ended up with Tamara straightening Matilda’s hair as Matilda prattled on about this guy she’s met, and how excited she was for the date. 

Tamara pretended to be interested, as she turned Matilda to begin fussing with her bangs (which really were getting a little too long), making sure they looked just as nice as the rest of her hair, and trying her damned best to make sure she didn’t stare too long at Matilda’s face. 

Taking a breath, Tamara leaned back. 

“I think you’re good to go,” she said, watching as Matilda looked herself over in the mirror, smiling at the sight of her own face. Tamara took the chance to appreciate the way Matilda looked in the purple dress she was wearing. She had both the body and the confidence to pull it off stunningly. Then the moment was gone as Tamara remembered that Matilda was going on a date tonight, and that this guy would appreciate the way this dress looked as well. 

Not for the first time tonight, Tamara wished Matilda wasn’t going on this date. 

“Well,” Matilda started, turning to face Tamara. “I look good right?” Tamara sighed, giving a small smile. 

“Yeah. You look really good,” she answered, letting her hands fall into her pockets. Matilda smiled knowingly, and left the bathroom, heading to the front door. Tamara hesitated, before heading out to watch Matilda gather the last of her things, still chattering excitedly over her shoulder. 

“He should be here any minute now, so I’m just gonna put on my shoes now. I’m really excited for tonight and i hope it turns out well. He’s really cute and he likes my face as much as I do, so it should be a good time!” Matilda stood once her shoes were on, checked her phone, and then made her way into the living room. 

“I hope it goes well for you,” Tamara forced out, following Matilda into the living room. Matilda hummed in agreement, sitting on the couch and pulling out a hand mirror to check her face once more. Tamara perched herself on the couch beside her, pulling out her own phone to check the time. 6:43. This new guy (what was his name-- Simon?) was due to pick up Matilda at around 6:50, leaving about seven minutes for awkward conversation. 

“I think it should, after all, I look nice as hell in this dress! Uh, if I'm not home by… I’d say around 9, don't expect me to come home at all, haha!” Tamara flinched at that, but hid her slight discomfort with a laugh. 

“Damn, hoping you’ll get some already? Talk about confident,” she fired back, ignoring the way her stomach twisted at the thought. “Didn’t you meet this guy like… a week ago?” Matilda grinned sheepishly, nodding. 

“Well, yes, but he’s really into me!” She stopped for a minute, kicking her feet. “I hope he’s interested in an actual relationship, instead of just a short fling,” Matilda muttered, smiling nervously. Tamara frowned, and opened her mouth to say something reassuring, when Matilda’s phone chimed and she stood up, checking it. 

“He’s here! Like I said, if I’m not home by around 9, don’t expect me to be!” Tamara followed her to the door, where Matilda did a last minute check to make sure she had all the essentials for her date. 

“Hey Mattie,” Tamara started, garnering Matilda’s attention. She floundered for a moment, trying to sort through everything she wanted to say.  _ Stay home  _ was on the tip of her tongue. So was  _ stay safe  _ and  _ please don’t spend the night with him  _ and  _ I love you.  _

She didn’t say any of those things. 

“Have fun,” she said, forcing a half-hearted smile onto her face. Matilda smiled cheekily, opening the door. 

“I plan on it!” The door closed, leaving Tamara alone with only her thoughts for company. Tamara exhaled through her nose and let her shoulders relax, before turning on her heel and heading back to the living room, where she turned on the tv, leaned back into the couch, and pulled out her flask. 

She wasn’t sure how much alcohol it would take to focus solely on the tv and not her own thoughts, but she sure hoped there was enough left in her flask to get her there. 

She unscrewed the top and tilted her head back. 

An hour and a half later found her finished with the flask and drunk enough to have stopped thinking about Matilda and instead be irrationally angry at the stupid product being marketed to her. 

“Who th’fuck even needs somethin like that?” She muttered. However, she made no move to change the channel, only to unscrew her now empty flask, having momentarily forgotten about its status. When no more alcohol slid out of the flask, Tamara merely grumbled and shoved it back into her hoodie pocket, pulling out her phone instead. 

_ Don’t text Matilda  _ her mind whispered. She wondered why she would text Matilda in the first place, she was on a date with whats-his-face anyways. She instead opened a mindless app that was much harder than it needed to be while she was drunk and began playing. 

Thirty minutes later and her phone chimed, a small notification popping up and saying Matilda had texted her. Tamara cursed and hoped she didn’t need a ride, because she wasn’t completely drunk, but she was certainly over the limit. After failing to open the notification three times it disappeared, and Tamara had to clumsily tap her way to her messages app, opening it and reading the message out loud. 

“I… won't need you to… come pick me up,” she muttered, eventually nodding as she convinced herself that was what it said, and moved on to the next line. “I also won’t be home because I’m headed over to Sampson’s house. Wait who was Sampson again? Fuck, I guess that was her date.” Tamara stared at the screen for a moment longer before frowning and tapping out an  _ ok  _ as a response. 

The phone clicked off and Tamara leaned back into the couch. She knew this would probably happen. Matilda was fucking beautiful. Any guy would be stupid to pass up a chance with her. 

That didn’t make it hurt any less. Tamara closed her eyes, promising herself that she’d go to bed soon. She just needed to wait for her heart to stop hurting. 

Yeah. Just one minute, that's all she needed. Just… one minute… 

When she opened her eyes again, it was because her phone was ringing loudly, some pop tune that Matilda had chosen for her ringtone on Tamara’s phone. Tamara groaned, picking up the device and pressing the accept call button, putting Matilda on speaker. 

“Hello?” 

“Tamara, thank god,” Matilda hissed into the phone. “Can you come pick me up?” 

“Ugh, what? Matilda, Ell has the car with her. I guess I can order a cab or something?” Matilda let out a long breath, sounding shaky. Tamara sat up, looking down at the phone. “Mattie? Is everything okay?” Matilda laughed slightly on the other line. 

“No, no not really. Can you please order a cab and meet me at my location? I don’t have any money on me and I can tell he’s not going to drive me home. I’ll set up a pin just-- just please come pick me up.” Tamara stood up at that, shuffling forward towards her bedroom to charge her phone, which had just given her a 20% warning.

“Yeah, I’ll come get you. Are you at least safe?” Tamara asked, plugging in her phone. 

“Um, yes? He hasn’t looked at me all morning, except to ask me to get home as soon as possible, because he has work and… Tam I’ll explain more later but I just wanna go home now,” Matilda explained, sounding as though she were pacing. 

“Yeah. I’m gonna hang up now so I can order that cab. Would you like me to call once I'm on the way?” Matilda went silent for a moment, as though thinking. 

“No, not really? Text me when the cab gets to our house though. Thank you again, Tamara.” The line went dead, and Tamara sighed, finally unlocking her phone to order a cab. She was way too hungover for this, but she guessed they had some painkillers in the medicine cabinet for her headache. 

She’d do just about anything for Matilda. 

The cab was set to arrive in ten minutes, so Tamara wandered down to the bathroom, deciding to find those painkillers and brush her teeth. (Her breath must have  _ reeked _ of alcohol, jesus.) Tamara took two of whatever off brand painkiller they had in the cabinet this week, and brushed her teeth as thoroughly as she felt she had time for. She even took one of Matilda’s breath mints, just in case. 

The last five minutes she had before the cab was expected to arrive was dedicated to changing clothes and doing the bare minimum to make sure her hair looked relatively presentable. Then her alarm went off, she scooped up her phone, and headed outside just in time to see the cab pulling up outside her home. 

“Hello,” Tamara greeted, ducking into the cab. The cabbie returned the greeting, and the two exchanged a brief conversation as Tamara gave her driver the address, and explained that she’d need to return to this address immediately after, as she was just picking up her friend and getting her back home. The cabbie hardly asked any questions, just nodding and pulling away from the house. Tamara pulled out her phone, tapping out a message to Matilda. 

 

**Tamara:** cab just left. gps said 15 minutes. still doing ok?

**Mattie:** yeah, i’m ok. i’ll be waiting outside the house.

**Tamara:** k ill look for u

**Mattie:** thank you.

 

Tamara closed off her phone and found herself passing the time staring at the windows, tapping her phone against her leg. 

She wondered what happened. She also wondered if Matilda would cry again. Tamara kind of hoped she wouldn’t. Ell had always been the one who was good at comforting Matilda when she cried, and Ell wasn’t here. She sighed, resting her head against the seat.

As the cab grew closer to the location, Tamara pulled out her phone, sending a short text to Matilda, telling her that she was five minutes away. Matilda didn’t respond, which was worrying, but really no big deal. Tamara was certain she had to be ok. 

The cab pulled up outside of a nice looking house, with Matilda sitting at the curb, fiddling with her phone. Tamara rolled down the window as they got closer, and stuck her head out. 

“Hey,” she greeted, watching as Matilda looked up at her. Matilda stood, and Tamara scooted away from the window into the other seat, allowing Matilda to enter the car on the near side. Matilda swept herself in, still wearing the dress from last night, but her hair was now tied up in a bun that matched Tamara’s, and she was carrying her shoes in one hand. The door closed, and the cab pulled away, turning around and heading back towards their own home. 

“Hey,” Matilda finally returned. The cab pulled out of the neighborhood and Matilda leaned back into the seat, looking worse for wear. Tamara felt the urge to take her hand and hold it, but stopped herself, instead gripping her hands together in the pocket of her hoodie. 

“You wanna talk about it?” Tamara asked, watching Matilda carefully. Matilda very subtly nodded, but watched the cab driver carefully. Tamara just nodded in return. 

“When we get home then,” she murmured, pushing the cab into silence for the rest of the ride.

Matilda left the car first when they got home, unlocking the door while Tamara paid the cab driver. When Tamara entered the house, Matilda had disappeared into her room, presumably to change her outfit. There was a beat of silence where Tamara just listened to Matilda shuffle around her room, trying to make sure that she wasn’t crying.

When no worrying sounds came, Tamara nodded, and walked to her room to plug her phone into the charger. 

Ten minutes later Matilda and Tamara found themselves sitting in silence on the couch, television replaying the same channel Tamara had been watching last night. Finally Matilda leaned forward, picking up the remote and turning off the tv. She kind of just seemed to stop there, hand still in the air, shaking just slightly. Finally, Tamara reached over and plucked the remote out of her grip, setting it on the couch next to her and scooting closer to Matilda. 

“So… Simon,” she started, and Matilda laughed slightly. 

“Sampson,” she corrected, and Tamara shrugged. 

“Same difference. What happened with him?” At that Matilda fell silent, and Tamara crossed her legs on the couch, waiting. Finally Matilda took a shaking breath in, and starts shakily explaining.

“I didn’t notice anything wrong last night, ‘cause it was dark, you know? And the whole time Sampson had been such a  _ gentleman  _ that i just. Assumed everything was ok.” Tamara nodded, motioning for Matilda to continue. Matilda took an unsteady breath, curling up onto the couch. 

“Well, this morning I got up and went to go wash my face, when I look over and notice that um. There are two toothbrushes in there. And that kinda set off alarm bells you know?” Tamara’s already caught onto where this story’s going, a steady rage building in her chest. Matilda continues, unaware of her companion’s anger. 

“I returned to the bedroom and I decide to get dressed in the same clothes I wore yesterday since… well I have to get home somehow, and it’s at this point that I notice that Sampson was already gone from the room so I decide to snoop a little? I started looking around and found a picture on the bedside table-- the fucking  _ bedside table _ \-- of Sampson with a woman. It was obviously old, as Sampson looked younger in the photos, so I look around some more and…” Matilda hesitates, taking in a breath and digging her fingers into her hair. Tamara can’t stop herself from reaching out and carefully draping an arm across Matilda’s shoulders. Matilda takes in a shuddering breath, curling into herself and forcing herself to speak again. 

“In the hallways, there's pictures of Sampson and that same woman and two kids. And I’m not an idiot Tamara. I can understand what that means. I walk into the kitchen and I can fucking see his wedding ring, on the same hand he’s holding his coffee mug. He doesn’t even flinch when I walk in. He just tells me that I need to get home, and that he’s got to get to work.” Matilda laughs, bitter. “He cheated on his damn wife with me. I could’ve ruined him in one fell swoop just with a fucking smudge of my lipstick. But I didn’t.” Tamara’s lip curls in disgust with the story, her nose wrinkling as well.

“You should’ve,” she responded, unable to keep the raw fury out of her voice. “Those kind of people disgust me. You deserve better, Tilly.” The nickname clearly catches Matilda off guard, as she blinks and stares at Tamara for a moment. Then she shakes off her surprise and instead twiddles her thumbs.

“Do I though?” The question breaks Tamara’s heart, and she leans into Matilda’s side, fully wrapping her in a hug.

“Of course you do.” Matilda sniffs, and Tamara finds herself caught in the warmest hug she’s been given in a long time, as Matilda buries her face into Tamara’s shoulder and cries. 

The reaction only serves to convince Tamara even further that Matilda deserves the world. 


	3. Movie Nights and Awkward Confessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Tamara and Matilda both realize they have had a severe miscommunication.

Ell, Tamara had decided, was the worst person to inform of your monstrous crush on one of your friends. Because not only had she taken the news  _ incredibly _ well, she’d somehow decided it was now her job to get them together. She had good intentions, yes, but… well Tamara didn’t go to her for help. After all, Matilda was  _ straight _ … right?

All Tamara wanted was someone to talk to about it. Just some support for her hopeless crush.

Instead Ell left them alone in the house with a “have fun, you two!” on the  _ one _ evening neither Matilda nor Tamara had anything planned. This lead to Tamara’s current situation. Sitting on a couch. With Matilda. Watching a movie Tamara really wasn’t interested in, but Matilda was really getting into it so Tamara didn’t dare change the channel.

The movie was only really interesting to Tamara for the leading lady who, despite having very little character and being trapped in a heterosexual movie, was nonetheless attractive and nice to look at. She was probably being extremely shallow for thinking that, but really, the movie didn’t really have anything else going for it. Actually, looking at Matilda, it almost seemed as though she were thirsting after the leading  _ man _ in this scenario. 

This, rather hilariously, meant that during the big kiss scene, Matilda and Tamara both let out a breath and said some variation of “god, I wish that were me.” Matilda looked over at Tamara with a start, blinking in surprise. Tamara wasn’t any less confused, the words having slipped out of her mouth without realizing it.

“Tim-Tam, I didn’t know you were into that kind of guy!” Tamara’s cheeks flushed, barely seen in the darkness of the room, and Matilda leaned over, movie ignored in favor of what she thought was an incredible development in one of her best friends potential love lives. Tamara, in fact, had meant more that she’d rather be kissing the leading lady, but Matilda’s reaction made her realize something very  _ very _ important.

Tamara had never come out to Matilda. 

“I’m most definitely  _ not _ into that kind of guy, Tilly! He looks like a foot.” Matilda pouted at that, crossing her arms and turning to face Tamara.

“I just heard you say that you wished you were the one kissing him,” she argued, sticking out her tongue. Tamara snorted, reaching forward as though she were going to poke Matilda’s tongue. The ginger pulled it back into her mouth with a yelp, causing Tamara to burst out laughing. Matilda tried to glare, but she couldn’t hold it, and ended up laughing along with her. The movie was still playing in the background, but neither one was paying attention to it anymore, instead trying to regain control of their laughter. 

“No, no, um. When I said that I meant more of… I wish I  _ was _ him, y’know?” Matilda went silent for a minute, staring at her. Tamara got more and more nervous the longer the silence went on, and decided to look down at her hands instead of her crush. 

“Ah I, I probably could have worded that better. What I’m trying to say is that I’m into girls, Tilly.” The credits rolled with some shitty love song Tamara hadn’t ever heard before, and Matilda still stared at her, mouth opened just slightly in shock. Tamara fiddled with her hands, nervous and slowly losing her confidence. What if Matilda was homophobic all this time? What if she moved out and left and blocked Tamara’s number and Tamara never saw her again and--

And what if the girl you just came out to just smiled at you, reached over, and grabbed your hand without hesitation or disgust? What do you do then?

“Tamara, I’m glad you told me,” Matilda finally responded, smiling gently. Her tone is so gentle, so accepting, that Tamara almost starts crying. Keyword: almost. Instead she lets out a breath she didn’t know she was holding and squeezes Matilda’s hand, trying to ignore the way her cheeks heat up as she does. 

“Christ, Matilda. You scared me for a bit.” Her voice wavers and she hopes Matilda can’t tell how badly she’s shaking, how nervous she is just to hold her hand like this, even though Matilda initiated it in the first place. Matilda laughs, a beautiful sound, and Tamara looks up at her in confusion. She waves her free hand, trying to indicate that she’s not laughing at her, but rather something else entirely.

“Sorry, sorry it’s not you it’s just… I thought you knew I was bisexual?” It’s now Tamara’s turn to stare, her mouth slightly agape. Matilda snorts, covering her mouth with her hand. “Oh my  _ god _ , you didn’t, did you?” Tamara finally let out a laugh, quiet and disbelieving. 

“No, of course I didn’t know you were bi! How would I have guessed? You never  _ once _ … god, you’ve only ever gone on dates with guys so I just assumed you were straight!” Tamara and Matilda both fall into disbelieving giggles, feeling quite a bit like high-schoolers again. 

It isn’t until the giggling finally dies off and is replaced with the movie’s title screen playing music again that Tamara realizes that she and Matilda are still holding hands. Her face goes red, and she hesitantly looks down at their intertwined hands, then back up at Matilda’s face, who seems blissfully unaware of what she’s doing to her. Matilda tilts her head quizzically, and Tamara feels her stomach go with it, turning nervously in her stomach.

“Tamara,” Matilda finally says, her voice soft but her face betraying nothing she might be thinking. “Ell told me something strange yesterday afternoon, while you were at work.” Immediately, Tamara makes a choked noise, already anticipating all the ways this could go horribly wrong. 

Bringing her free hand up to her face, Tamara mutters “oh  _ god _ ” under her breath, suddenly understanding where this was going. Matilda laughs slightly at this reaction, bringing her own free hand up to match Tamara’s, covering her mouth. She shakes her head, and although Tamara misses her expression, she gives Tamara a look that can only be described as fond, a smile pulling at her lips.

“Nothing bad, I assure you. Just something a bit curious. See, Ell suggested that you might have a crush on me. I trust Ell, of course, but sometimes she can be a bit ah…” 

“Presumptuous?” Tamara prompts, bringing a snort out of Matilda, but doing nothing for the nervous pounding of her own heart. 

“Yes, that’s a good word for it. I um… well I thought you were straight so I wasn’t going to say anything about it, but…” Matilda trails off, looking off, as though she were suddenly the nervous one. Tamara saves her the trouble of searching for her words by giving her a less-than-confident smile.

“You were gonna ask if it was true, yeah?” Matilda, suddenly just as anxious as Tamara, nods, and for a long minute the two sit in anticipatory silence, each waiting for both themselves and the other to speak. It’s, unsurprisingly, Tamara who breaks the silence.

“Yeah I, uh. I really… I like you Tilly. I like you a lot more than I ever expected to like anyone if I’m honest.” Matilda is silent, so Tamara takes that as her cue to ramble nervously, as one does. 

“I honestly think you’re probably the most gorgeous girl I’ve ever seen and I always got so jealous when you went on a date with some guy I didn’t know but I never said anything because I mean, why would I? And I think you deserve the world Matilda and I know you deserve better than me so I’m not really expecting you to reciprocate.” Tamara takes a breath, hesitates, then stops right where she is, deciding to leave it at that. Matilda stays silent for another long moment, before she shifts her hand in Tamara’s grip, and for a horrifying moment Tamara’s afraid that Matilda’s going to pull her hand out, agree with Tamara that she deserves better, and Tamara wouldn’t even have it in her to be upset at her for it. Because she’d deserve it.

Instead Matilda shifts her grip, and pulls Tamara forward into a gentle hug, resting her chin on Tamara’s head. She hums, quietly, and Tamara’s mind goes blank.

“I like you too, Tim-Tam,” she says, burying her fingers in the fabric of Tamara’s hoodie, appreciating the soft fabric. Tamara is still for a long moment, before slowly her arms loop around Matilda’s back, and they just sit there in silence for a minute, as Tamara processes what’s just happened. 

When it finally clicks, she pulls away slightly, looking up at Matilda. The only word she can manage to find is a very quiet “really?” because she can’t imagine a scenario where this isn’t some elaborate prank at her expense. Matilda, to her credit, seems to understand exactly where Tamara is coming from with this question. Instead, she nods, leans forward, and kisses Tamara’s forehead with a smile. Tamara, in a moment of bravery, leans up and kisses Matilda gently on the lips. It’s nothing more than a peck, but it catches Matilda off guard for a moment. Then Matilda leans down, tilts Tamara’s head up, and kisses  _ her _ .

They hold that kiss for only a couple of seconds, but it’s nice, and Tamara thinks she might be dreaming. Then Matilda pulls away, and smiles, giggling. 

“You have some of my lipgloss on now,” she teases, and Tamara instinctively licks her lips. 

“Strawberry lip gloss? Color me surprised.” Matilda shrugs, smiling gently. It takes Tamara a moment, but she finally realizes just how  _ fondly _ Matilda is looking at her. A dorky grin spreads across Tamara’s face, and she falls forward into Matilda’s chest. Matilda’s arms wrap around her, and she cant help but close her eyes and sink into the embrace. They share a brief moment of peace.

Then the movie’s title screen comes back with some loud music and Tamara jolts up and away from Matilda with a yelp. They both stare wide-eyed at the screen for a moment, watching as it brings up the menu options. Then Tamara snorts, leans forward, and switches from the movie to some other channel. She turns down the sound so it downgrades to background noise, keeping the silence at bay. Tamara sits back, leaning into Matilda’s side as the TV plays some show neither of them have ever heard of, nor are either of them interested in.

In this present moment, they’re only interested in each other. 

At some point their hands become intertwined. It’s warm, and comfortable, and happy. So comfortable, in fact, that at one point Tamara nods off.

* * *

 

“Aw, well lookie here!” The awakening is, at best, unwanted. However, Ell doesn’t seem to care, standing over Tamara and Matilda with a self satisfied grin. Tamara groans and buries her face back into Matilda’s stomach to try and block out the light. Matilda, on the other hand, yawns and stretches.

“What time is it?” She asked blearily, blinking up at Ell. Ell checked her phone, humming.

“Its 7:34 in the morning. Tamara needs to start getting ready for work.” Tamara let out another dull groan, clearly not wanting to move. 

“C’mon Tim-Tam. Sooner you start getting ready the less miserable your morning will be!” Tamara pushed herself off of Matilda, glaring tiredly up at her, with no real malice. 

“I hate when you’re right.” Matilda laughed, tired and beautiful, and Tamara leaned up to kiss her. 

“See you later Tim-Tam!” Matilda teased her, grinning down at her. Tamara snorted in response, rolling off of her girlfriend and standing. 

“Same to you, Tilly.”


End file.
